God, Mr. Darcy, and St. Therese

My husband taught me to trust in God. Mr. Darcy taught me not to be presumptuous.(Picture from Pemberley.com.)

Are you afraid of standing before God on Judgment Day? Does the thought of facing Him make you fear death? Even if you’ve committed mortal sin in your lifetime, you only have to fear God in one circumstance–if you die unrepentant, or with no intention of confessing your sin as soon as possible. Here’s how my husband, St. Therese, and Mr. Darcy taught me to think of the Final Judgment with peace.

My husband and I met through Single Catholics Online (now Ave Maria Singles). After emailing and talking on the phone for several weeks, we decided to meet in person. As I was preparing for our first date, my hands shook from nervousness. I told myself, “There’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Dan.” We had gotten along great in our conversations. We already knew a lot about each other. We were friends. We were old enough to have been completely genuine with each other, rather than acting a part. What did I have to fear? If it wasn’t God’s will for our relationship to deepen, it wouldn’t happen, but I knew Dan would not reject me as a person. Most (I’ll admit–not all) of my nervousness disappeared at these thoughts.

Jane Austen’s Mr. Darcy had no fear of his beloved Elizabeth Bennett. “I am not afraid of you,” he stated publicly. Yet Mr. Darcy is not a model of trust. He was presumptuous. Although Elizabeth never tried to hide her contempt for him, he refused to see it.  He interpreted her jibes as liveliness, perhaps even a gentle flirtation. He did not take her at her word. He could not believe that she could think poorly of him. His love was self-centered and blind. Elizabeth utterly rejected him.

Is it hope or presumption?

When we speak of trusting completely in God, we must distinguish between hope and presumption. If we, like Darcy, won’t take God at His Word, but insist on interpreting the Bible, the saints, and the teachings of the Church in a way God never intended, we have reason to fear. Elizabeth rejected Darcy’s first proposal, because there was more pride than love in it. Spiritual blindness could end in the shock of hearing God say, “I never knew you.”

But don’t despair. That’s the other sin against hope. God is not trying to entrap you. He takes no delight in punishing sinners (see Ezekiel 18:23). He is love itself. He is worthy of our trust. We must be open to His self-revelation, not construct an idol to worship and call it “God.” If we seek Him humbly, we have no reason to fear.

Next month, Dan and I will celebrate 12 years of marriage. We have four sons. We know each other better than anyone else on earth has ever known us. Dan has seen me at my best and at my worst. He knows my failures and my victories. He may not always understand me, but he is always loving and accepting. It would be ridiculous to be afraid of him.

True hope trusts in the Beloved, not oneself

Darcy proposing to Elizabeth. London: George Allen, 1894. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After being rejected, Mr. Darcy had to start over. He learned humility. He learned to listen. He learned to put aside his discomfort with the Bennett family and to open himself up to possible ridicule for Elizabeth’s sake. He served her selflessly, not planning to propose again. And then, in love’s mysterious way, he won her heart. St. John of the Cross would have much to say about this–but that is a post for another day.

My relationship with Dan has strengthened my trust in God. God knows me better than my husband does. He sees inside my heart. “You discern my purpose from afar” (Psalm 139:2). He has heard every Confession. He saw the sins I forgot to confess. He watches my thoughts wander during prayer. He knows my motives better than I do myself.

He also knows my desires. He knows how long I have struggled against a temptation before I give in. He never misjudges me. I know that God will never judge me more harshly than I deserve. That comforts me and gives me peace.

St. Therese of Lisieux wrote, “I hope as much from the Justice of the Good God as from His Mercy… I do not understand those souls who fear so tender a Friend” (VI Letter to Her Missionary “Brothers”). And elsewhere, God “thoroughly knows the frailty of our nature. Of what then, should I be afraid? Must not the good and infinitely just God, who with such tender mercy deigns to pardon the Prodigal Son, must He not be just towards me too…?” (Story of a Soul, Ch. 8).

I am confident Elizabeth Darcy never doubted her husband’s love. She had had so much evidence of it. And we have the Cross, the sacraments, and the saints to show us how great God’s love is. On Judgment Day I will tell myself not to be nervous, despite the majesty of the Heavenly Court, despite my many sins. “It is just Jesus,” I will say. “How can I fear Him?” Or perhaps I will just look at Him without presumption and say, “I am not afraid of you.”

Connie Rossini

Free review copy of my forthcoming e-book

Madonna des Kanonikus by Jan Van Eyck (detail; Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons). You can read my e-book in one sitting, but meditate on it for a lifetime.

I’ve been working on a new project I want your help with. I’ve written a short e-book that I think you’ll love. It’s on a topic dear to my heart. I’m keeping the specifics secret for a little while longer, but I’ll tell you this much: it’s on the spiritual life, and I believe it will change your life.

I want as many people as possible to read my e-book–not for my glory, but for God’s. I want to help people become saints, and the first step towards union with God is knowing how to get there.

That’s why I’m asking for your help. I only have so many readers. But many of you have your own blogs with as many or more followers than mine. So I have decided to give advance copies of my e-book to other bloggers who promise to help me spread the word.

If you have at least 100 followers on various social media, and have time in the next 3 weeks to read a short e-book and help me publicize it, please send me an email. I’m at crossini4774 at comcast dot net.

After you’ve read the e-book, please write a brief review on your blog. Or you could include a few lines in a 7 Quick Takes post, tweet about your reactions, or start a conversation on Facebook.

I plan to release the e-book for free download on Tuesday, June 11.

Can you help me?

Connie Rossini

Math can be poetic

I was good at arithmetic in school (adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing), but I never had a mathematical mind. I struggled through algebra. I don’t retain dates or phone numbers well, despite my good memory. When a friend decided to major in math, I didn’t understand it. How boring, dry, difficult, cold!

I’ve changed my opinion since homeschooling. D and M have the Rossini affinity for numbers. They’re interest ignites mine. But beyond that, I’ve learned that math can be beautiful!

I first heard the term poetic math in this article from Mater at Magistra. Author Lesley Payne says that math, like literature, can ” instill in our children awe toward the beautiful, poetic aspects of creation.”  Scientists use math to discover laws of nature. So shouldn’t lovers of beauty appreciate math as well?

Math, poetry and patterns

One thing that transformed my view on math was thinking about it in terms of patterns, not numbers. Joseph’s coat, patchwork quilts, and even poems have patterns. In fact, we used all of these to include math in our unit on Joseph and His Brothers.

The simplest nursery rhyme has a pattern, a rhyme scheme that could as easily be called 1-2-1-2 as a-b-a-b. Shakespeare’s sonnets have meter. Haiku is especially mathematical.

Greg Tang has written several books of poetry, riddles, and fables containing math. Marvelous Math: A Book of Poems  by Lee Bennett Hopkins is another gem. (Yes, you can buy them all in the homeschool section of my store at Catholic Spirituality Blogs Network).

Resources that will help you fall in love with math

Here is a spattering of other resources I love:

Living Math seeks to “close the gap between math and history, science, literature and humanity created by the isolated way we traditionally approach math education.” Julie Brennan has volumes of free material on her website, plus curriculum you can purchase.

For parents’ enrichment, artist David Clayton talks about the numbers 7 and 8 in the liturgy

Then there is the video, which I could watch all day–and it’s math! Use this for your studies of the Golden Mean, the law of thirds, or patterns in nature in general.

This evening, J was carefully descending the steps on his feet, a skill he is just learning, saying, “That’s one stairs, that’s two stairs, that’s three stairs…”  To which I replied mentally, That’s poetic math!

Connie Rossini

Share with us: Do you have any great sources for poetic math? Feel free to link to your own or others’ blogs in the comments.

If God is willing…

Peter Paul Rubens – St James the Apostle (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

^” Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and get gain’; whereas you do not know about tomorrow. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and we shall do this or that’” (James 4:13-15).

This passage from James the Apostle can almost seem silly. Should we really preface every statement of intent with “God willing?” I used to ask myself this question. That changed in the summer of 2002.

I was a new mom, struggling to adjust to sleepless nights and no time to myself, when it became clear that I would have to return to work. Never in my life had I considered being a working mother. In fact, I’d had many discussions in which I had said, “There is absolutely no way I would work when I had small kids.” But circumstances were against me.

Eating my words

Going back to work was perhaps the most difficult thing I have ever done.

As I read Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence by Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, I had to face the fact that God’s will–at least His permissive will–could be different from mine on such a major issue. I had to let go of my will. When I did, I found a measure of peace.

From that day to this, I have added “God willing” to my words about the future, in both large and small matters. The phrase is not an empty cliché. It is the result of a hard-fought battle between myself and God. (God won.) I say these words to remind myself Who is really in control, to prepare my heart for any future divergence in our plans, God’s and mine.

More recent struggles to accept God’s will

So, last school year, when I was struggling to survive educating kids at three different levels and caring for an infant, I didn’t have to eat my words when I considered putting the older boys in school. When friends and family had asked me if I were going to homeschool through grade twelve, I had always said, “God willing.” I had acknowledged publicly and in my heart that it was up to Him. I was not ultimately in control.

I fought through to the end of the school year. I thought seriously about the changes I  could make to our school day. Should I buy a boxed curriculum, instead of creating my own? Could I make it through another year? Ultimately, I chose to continue homeschooling. The largest change I made–along with always having one child care for or play with J while I taught the others–was to be more flexible with my agenda for the day. It was the same lesson (pun intended) applied on a smaller scale. What was God’s will for the present? Was it different from mine?

It’s hard to fight against God’s will. Just ask St. Paul. You will always lose. You can let go of your will and be at peace with God, or you can hold on to it and put your soul in danger.

God willing, I will remember this lesson for the rest of my life.

Connie Rossini

Share with us: When has it been hardest for you to give up your will? How did you manage it?

Jacob and Esau contemplative homeschool unit

Esau and Jacob by Matthias Stom, 1640 (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons).

I have been blogging lately about my method of contemplative homeschooling. Here is an example of a unit I did a few years ago with my boys on Jacob and Esau.

The best way to start these units is for you (the parent) to meditate on the Scripture passage you will study with your kids. In this case, prayerfully read Genesis 25:29-24, 27:1-40. Since this passage is long, you could spread your meditation over 2-3 days or choose a smaller portion of the text to meditate on.  Identify the main elements or themes of the story that speak to you and use them as part of your studies.

The themes I chose for this unit were twins, telling the truth, and comparing and contrasting. (I created this before I began starting each unit with my prayer time.)

Narration: Read “Esau and Jacob” from The Golden Children’s Bible aloud. If you have a different Bible, use only the parts of the story that correspond to the sections of Genesis noted above. Have your kids narrate it back and you write their narrations. Children 10 and up can write their own.

Copywork/memorization: “The Truth will set you free” (John 8:32).

Language Arts: Use the Comparing and Contrasting Twins Chart I for Jacob and Esau.

Read The Twins and the Bird of Darkness by Robert D. San Souci. Complete Twins Chart III (Chart II is used for history, below, but you may want to do it first).

There are several good stories to illustrate the importance of honesty. Choose those you like best or have easiest access to from among these: “Mercury and the Woodman” or “The Cock and the Fox” by Aesop, “George Washington and the Cherry Tree” or “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” (Book of Virtues), or any of the many versions of Brer Rabbit and his friends.

Discuss: Is it always wrong to lie (Yes, always! If you, the parent aren’t clear on this, read the large section the Catechism has on lying.) Do you always have to tell the truth? (Note: this is a different question. You could remain silent, change the subject, etc.) Why is it important to tell the truth? (Some answers: God is truth, and we should reflect that. We want people to be able to trust us. Lying is often a sin against justice. See the Catechism for more.) What is the difference between pretending and lying? In what situations might you be tempted to lie? How can you overcome that temptation? Is it wrong to exaggerate?

Art Appreciation (and Creation): Look at Esau and Jacob by Matthias Stom, above. Discuss who the 3 men in the picture may be. Why is one holding a rabbit? How do Jacob and Esau in this painting compare to the descriptions of them in Genesis? How does Matthias Stom use light and darkness in the painting?

This painting is an example of Baroque art, which grew out of the Counter-Reformation. Stom uses a technique of light versus dark called chiaroscuro that was common among Baroque artists. Try painting a chiaroscuro Mr. Potato Head with your older students.  You could set up a simpler version of this activity for younger students using pencil sketches (and an apple, if you don’t own a Potato Head). Here is a good article on chiaroscuro, with Baroque examples.

Math/Science: Make lentil stew (download  a recipe for Lentil Stew from Old Testament Days by Nancy I. Sanders). Let children help with measuring. Use this as an opportunity to teach volume–cups, tablespoons, etc.  Use the labels on your lentil, cheese, and tortilla packages to calculate how many grams of protein, fiber, calcium, and fat are in each serving of stew. Compare those to the nutritional recommendations for children. Discuss whether or not this is a healthy snack.

Read Just a Minute: a Trickster Tale and Counting Book  by Yuyi Morales. This is an original Mexican tale of a grandmother who tricks Death into waiting for her, similar to the way in which Scheherazade postponed her death in The Arabian Nights.  Learn to count to 10 in English and Spanish.

History: Read The Holy Twins by Kathleen Norris, illustrated by Tomie de Paoloa, a story about St. Benedict and St. Scholastica. Complete Compare and Contrast Twins Chart II.

Add Jacob and St. Benedict to your timeline.

Closing Prayer:

[You read this aloud to your children.] Close your eyes and imagine you are Jacob. Your father Isaac is waiting for Esau to come and receive his blessing. Rebecca urges you to dress in Esau’s clothes and pretend to be Esau so you can receive the blessing. Think about how you would react. [Pause for several seconds.]

Now imagine that you and your siblings were playing ball in the living room. You knocked over and broke one of Mom’s favorite figurines. Your siblings want to hide the pieces and hope she doesn’t notice. What will you do? [Pause again.]

Let us pray. [Children repeat the rest of the pray after you.] Lord Jesus, you are the Way, the Truth, and the Life. You said that the truth sets people free. Thank you for making God’s truth known to us. Help me always to listen to the truth, and to act honestly, no matter how much I am tempted to lie, exaggerate, or cheat. I believe that you will bless those who are truthful. Amen.”

Note: All the books mentioned in this unit can be purchased in my new store at Catholic Spirituality Blogs Network.

Connie Rossini

Find your spiritual idiolect at Catholic Spirituality Blogs Network

John Writes to Sardis and Philadelphia from the Bamberg Apocalypse Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons).

Everyone has an idiolect–a collection of personal speech habits that is different from anyone else’s. Have you ever thought about your spiritual idiolect? Since your soul is unique, you have a personal way of speaking to God that no one else completely shares. Today I am announcing the creation of a new blog that will help you find and fine-tune your spiritual idiolect.

Catholic Spirituality Blogs Network is a community of Catholic bloggers who have come together to promote growth in Christ. Each of us has his or her own blog on authentic Catholic spirituality. Some of us are Carmelites. Others are Benedictines. Some practice Ignatian spirituality. Others’ blog posts are more eclectic. We hope that by sharing our spiritual idiolects, you will find yours.

You have a secret name known only to God

Jesus told the Apostle John, “To him who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone which no one knows except him who receives it” (Revelation 2:17). Your relationship with Jesus is different from anyone else’s in the history of the world. Your temperament, upbringing, talents, and life experiences make you a unique individual.  When you were reborn in baptism, God granted you this “secret name”–your personal identity in Christ. No one else can relate to Him in just the same way you do. You can give God a gift that no one else ever can–yourself!

God has a specific plan for your spiritual life. He will always lead you in accordance with the teachings of the Church. But the Church gives us wide berth in spiritual matters. There have been saints from nearly every walk of life. Reading their teachings and life stories, you may find a kindred spirit. Encountering the spirituality of a religious order, your heart may answer, “Yes!” Or you might weave together Catholic wisdom from many sources to create a new pattern.

The members of Catholic Spirituality Blogs Network are committed to helping you develop your spiritual idiolect–your secret language for heart-to-heart talks with God.

Connie Rossini

Please re-blog this post to help us spread the word about our new venture. God reward you!

Share with us: What is your spiritual idiolect and how did you discover or develop it?

Diary of a Country Mother: a review

Diary of a Country Mother: a Year Remembering Tim will fill you with hope and peace.

Cindy Montanaro is a Secular Carmelite and former homeschooler. She is also the mother of Tim, a boy she and her husband adopted as an infant. Tim had Tourette Syndrome, phobias, and other mental health issues. In 2005 he died tragically. Their story was published recently by Roman Catholic Books. Dairy of a Country Mother–so named by Tim when no one dreamed he was soon to pass away–is a gem to share with any mother this May.

“Five years ago today I picked up my pen and started a year-long journey of prayer, meditation, and writing. I envisioned an extended period of time in which to record, before memory failed me, all the little humorous and profound incidents that made up my son Tim’s short life. ” So begins this beautiful memoir of a boy who loved people. It is a story of the joy he brought to everyone he met. It is a record of his mother’s faith and acceptance. It is an exploration of the meaning of Tim’s life, which Cindy generously shares with us. She would probably say her generosity is one lesson she learned from Tim.

A tale of joy, not grief

Diary of a Country Mother: a Year Remembering Tim is not A Grief Observed. It is not a book about how Cindy and her husband and remaining sons struggled to accept Tim’s death. Instead, it is the celebration of his life. Cindy writes, “As I woke this morning… my thoughts flew to Tim and my reason for writing this remembrance of him. It has a lot to do with celebrating the impact of one soul on those around him…” Tim’s short life (fifteen years) impacted many people, and through his mother’s words he is destined to impact many more.

Cindy focuses on the positives in Tim’s life. Although she does not sugar-coat the effects of his mental illness, she chooses to leave the negatives in the past and remember the good times. She tells of his exuberance, his friendliness towards strangers, his bear hugs. She inspires me to be more observant and appreciative of the virtues and gifts of my children.

Daily reflections and prayers

The book is written as a journal. Cindy thinks about Tim as she goes through her normal routines without him. She remembers his love for the trees that must be cut down due to a fire. She recalls his last Confession, about a week before he died.

Each entry ends with a Psalm, quote from a saint or Church document, or prayer.  The entire book is prayerfully written. It is obvious that Cindy is a woman of prayer, and that is what instills her book with such peace. Peaceful is perhaps the best adjective I can use to describe her book.

God has the final word

I have known two people who have died by their own hands. The last, a co-worker with my husband for the diocese, was particularly difficult for me to accept. He had recently been diagnosed with a mental illness and was desperately trying to get help. I struggled with despair after his death–not because I knew him particularly well, but because I couldn’t understand why God doesn’t protect the weak. I felt like the Devil had triumphed over this man, despite his Catholic faith. That scared me. Who of us, I thought, is safe?

Diary of a Country Mother helped me realize that the Devil did not have the final word. Tim Montanaro is still helping people learn to appreciate the little things in life. He is still offering his great love to strangers. He is leading readers like me to a new level of trust in God–one that encompasses even my worst nightmares. God has the final word–and that word has not yet been written. In the end, as God once assured St. Therese, all will be made well. Cindy Montanaro’s book is one step in that direction.

Connie Rossini

Note: You may support both the Montanaro and the Rossini families by purchasing this book at my new Amazon Store (the link will take you directly to Amazon, but I will still get the credit–thanks!). For more recommended books and other products, visit my full store at Catholic Spirituality Blogs Network (a new venture that will officially launch next week).

Why use a homily–not a sermon–format for homeschooling?

The Contemplative Homeschool helps children see all subjects as part of God’s self-revelation.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote briefly about my faith-based method of homeschooling. To recap: I see methods such as Catholic Heritage Curricula, which bring the faith to individual subjects, as using a sermon format. In contrast, our Contemplative Homeschool starts with a Bible passage. I look for the themes in that passage, and add as many subjects as I can into the discussion of those themes. As my kids get older, I hope to make writings of the Church Fathers and official documents and creeds a starting place for our curriculum as well.

Here are some advantages to using the homily format.

1. Homilies promote meditation on Sacred Scripture.

The Contemplative Homeschool is all about teaching our children to put prayer at the top of their priorities. It encourages a prayerful attitude and teaches methods of prayer, especially Christian meditation. As one blog commenter said, meditating on Scripture is like preaching a homily to oneself. My boys are forming the habit of looking for ways to connect Bible passages with their lives. I believe this will make it easier for them to create their own meditations as they grow older.

2. I can make my lessons flow from my meditation on the text.

This school year I began praying about each new Bible-based unit by meditating in my prayer time on the Bible passages we were to read. This helps me find sources for meditation I may not have used before. It also keeps me seeking God’s will for each lesson. I have long ended our units with a guided meditation. Now I use that as my starting place, deciding what I want my children’s meditation to be first, then finding or creating materials that lead towards that climax. It excites me that my children and I can all use the same sources for our prayer. It cultivates the domestic-monastery aspect of our home.

3. A homily digs deeper into the Bible.

St. Pio stated: “Through the study of books one seeks God; by meditation one finds him.”

I want my children to know the Bible intimately, not just be familiar with popular Bible stories. That’s one reason we use The Golden Children’s Bible. Other children’s Bibles tend to paraphrase and rewrite the text. Making the Bible the center of our curriculum means we study it in-depth. We learn to analyze Bible passages, and look for types and anti-types and the fulfillment of prophecies. Even at their young ages, my boys are learning to read Scripture in a manner that eludes many adults. I hope this will lead to their having a more mature faith.

 4. It helps you to see God everywhere.

Granted, even the sermon format of homeschooling encourages students to ask, “How does this subject or activity relate to the faith?” But the homily format does this in a greater way. My series Finding God in Children’s Literature is largely an outgrowth of my homeschooling method. I would probably never have seen the parallels between Peter Rabbit and Adam, if I had not chosen to read about the former as part of our unit on the Fall of Man. Now I am more alert than ever before for allusions to Scripture and Christian doctrine in the literature I read. I am continually looking for connections between fiction and the faith. I hope my children will come to do this as naturally.

5. It fosters a contemplative lifestyle.

This includes points 1 and 5, while going beyond them. Supernatural contemplation, as its name implies, begins with God. The soul receives rather than attains contemplation. The homily format of homeschooling, together with some other aspects of the Contemplative Homeschool, fosters openness. We start by listening to God. It helps us to “meditate on the law of the Lord day and night” (Psalm 1:2), rather than just in our prayer time.

Spiritual writers say that souls who have reached union with God see everything in God, instead of the way the rest of us try to see God in all things. The Contemplative Homeschool seeks to see all things in God’s self-revelation.

All in all, the longer I teach in this manner, the more benefits I discover. I hope you will consider homeschooling this way as well.

Connie Rossini

Share with us: How do you make God part of your curriculum?